//----// A diminutive Elgan appears on your screen with his arms spread wide, standing in front of a neon sign that reads SCATTERHOME LOTTERY! He beams at the camera and an edited in sparkle pings off his teeth.
"Hi friends, my name is Vohl from Fortuna Investment Holdings Group and I'm proud to announce that we are promoting the 'Scatterhome Lottery' today."
He starts to walk and is soon joined by human women in sparkly bikinis who giggle and stoop to take his arm. He walks towards a luxury hoverlimo and a human dressed as a Chauffeur opens the door for him and the women to climb inside.
"If you'd like to live it up in style and afford the finer things in life, what are you waiting for? It's only 100 marks a ticket for a 500,000 marks jackpot! You'd have to be CRAZY to miss it. Am I right girls?!"
The human women who've now got some sort of sparkling alcohol in ridiculously small flutes giggle and chime in together "Thats right!" while the little Elgan male lights up a leesa and grins at the camera.
"So don't delay, friends! Send your 4 digit number combination as described below and don't worry - if you've got any concerns about the legitimacy of this offer just speak to the Municipal Accountant Poet who'll be handling the draw at sync."
//-------// The scene shifts and the Elgan fully clothed in a brightly coloured wrap and dark glasses is standing on a beach somewhere, surrounded by the the human women playing beach volley. Pixels blur out their glorious nudity and a runner across the bottom of the screen promises the unedited version of the ad for only 999.99
"Why don't you check out the fine print below and hurry - you don't want to miss out on this AMAZING opportunity." One of the women calls from the water where she is splashing about gesturing for the Elgan to join her with a giggle. The Elgan waggles his brows at the camera before flitting off across the sand, bobbing the volleyball with his little fist as he goes.
In his place a glaring disclaimer statement scrolls down the screen, mercilessly masking the bouncing beauties in the background.
//-----//
[BELOW IS THE SANITISED VERSION OF THE SCATTERHOME LOTTERY DATA FILE WITH ALL RELEVANT DETAILS STRAIGHT FROM THE SOURCE. VOHL AND FORTUNA INVESTMENT HOLDINGS GROUP ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYOUT OF THE JACKPOT AND ARE ACTING ONLY AS PROMOTERS AND TICKET LIASON. ALL FUNDS ARE TO GO DIRECT TO POET WITH A REFERALL CODE OF 'FORTUNA' FOLLOWED BY THE NUMBER SEQUENCES OR THE BLOCK SEQUENCES AS DESCRIBED BELOW. DO NOT SEND ANY MONEY TO VOHL]
Scatterhome Lottery
We are beginning with a single game. In order to keep things simple, we are
going to run a draw 4 game. Straight bets only. We will draw 4 numbers from
0-9. You must match all four, in the correct order, to win.
Tickets are 100 marks. Payout is 500,000!!
We will not check for winners, only post the numbers. You are responsible for
checking your own tickets and notifying us if you believe you have a winner.
In order to avoid difficulties related to cryo-sleep, we will number the
drawings. While we intend to draw once per sync, if something prevents that,
the drawings will simply continue in numbered order.
If you fail to claim a ticket before the
records are deleted that, quite frankly, is your flakking problem, and no
accommodation will be made.
You can bulk buy numbers in sequence if you wish- ie 0001 to 0100 for 10000
marks.
One additional note- the entire pot is divided between all sets of winning
numbers, so two players who each pick 1234 would get 250k each if those
numbers win.
If you believe you have picked the winning numbers, msg Poet with the drawing
number and your picks so they can validate the ticket and payment received.
//---// The Elgan returns to the screen, his surroundings having shifted to a nightclub scene with pumping music in the background and the same human women dressed in cocktail dresses, lounging around either side of him, gazing coquettishly at the camera and the Elgan in his fur coat and ridiculous amount of jewellery.
"Remember, friends! My name is Vohl from Fortuna Investment Holdings Group, the home of fast and secure trading deals you can rely on. Get your tickets for the 'Scatterhome Lottery' and you can be a winner too!"
//----//
