Sector,

I am currently seeking volunteers for clinical trials of a chemical known as 'time dust' in order to ascertain the health and safety risk posed by this novel street drug which is slowly entering our markets. Due to the inherently hazardous nature of the potential temporal effects of this compound, we will be deviating briefly from standard chemical testing protocol and only recruiting volunteers from the pool of HETE-insured individuals who are willing to make the informed choice to risk their life, sanity and temporal existence in the name of medical science. If you are a courageous hero meeting the aforementioned criteria and wish to participate, please contact me with your scheduling details.

May the IRB have mercy upon our souls,
Guardian Executive Grek