Greetings, Citizens of the Song Dominion and the Celestine Ascendancy.

It has come to my attention that your governments, led by Vega and Grek respectively, do not put enough time or public resources into the matter of undergarments.

As you likely do not know, undergarments offer your bits and bobs the necessary support to keeping you looking fresh and tucked-in. Given the utter lack of apparent public services in your empires to ensuring your unmentionables are well-fitting and attractive-looking, I am setting myself front and center as a volunteer underwear inspector.

All citizens of the Song Dominion or the Celestine Ascendancy may come forth to me bravely and fully-bared to have their undergarments inspected for fit, form, and function. I will perform this service, free of charge, until I am informed that both Lord Commander Vega T'rvati and Guardian Executive Grek have enacted public policies to deliver this service, and have personally conducted the first rollout of these policies themselves. I strongly encourage you to urge your leaders to do so as soon as possible.

I hope this new social program is of benefit to you,
Flipilaria Matari