You didn't really think...today of all days.

Ok, ok, so yeah, fine, there's a sale this month. I had to, guys! It's my job! Anyway, it's Mission Control again - woo! And we have a LOT of fancy new stuff to unveil. I won't waste anyone's time - if you don't know what Mission Control is, check out the helpfile (HELP MISSION CONTROL), and if you want to participate, you can purchase missile batteries off the website (https://www.starmourn.com/credits/).

First up, our BIG PRIZE. We always award a BIG PRIZE for lots of Mission Control activity and this month we are awarding two (2) SUPER STIMPACKS at 200 and 400 shots to the grid. This is an artifact which we haven't offered to the game in actual years at this point. The SUPER STIMPACK artie allows you to INJECT SIMPACK and instantly return to perfect health on all your characters every 6 hours. This level of extreme convenience won't come around again anytime soon, so count those shots carefully, friends.

Next, we have five (count em, five) brand new artifacts to potentially win from the grid this month - and that's no joke. Here's the rundown on what's new:

First Class Ticket (faster_transport)
Take a special, ultra-high-speed transport equipped with complimentary, first class amenities and get to your destination in half the time.

RoamTek FastMiner 3.0 (faster_crystals)
Tired of mining your Ta-Deth crystals the old-fashioned way? RoamTek is here to help. With muscle-augmentation technology patented in the harshest alien wildernesses and penal colonies, you'll mine crystals faster than a Cleax prisoner on Gorwaith IV.

Jogger's Best Friend (jogging_enhancement)
Jogger's Best Friend, by RoamTek, installs a new, experimental type of nanite programmed to remove excess lactic acid buildup that fatigues the muscles, allowing you to use Exploration: Jogging without a balance cost. Jog on!

Limitless Vision (vision_enhancement)
After undergoing vision training from Tukkav hunter-shamans, you learn the secrets of focusing your gaze like a Tosmarian condor. Exploration Glancing and Squinting now comes without a balance cost.

Improved Huddle Subroutines (enhanced_huddle)
You can now huddle harder than ever before thanks to refined electrostatic muscle contraction subroutines in your wetwiring, which increases Huddle efficacy from 40% to 60%. ***NOTE: This artifact can also be purchased direct with credits from the artifact store.

Also available on the grid this month are some fun items that we're all pretty excited about:

An 'Instant Epic Hero Gear' block - what does this do???? Well...what can we say? Just add water, and instantly (almost instantly) be the proud owner of some new Epic Hero Gear.

A ridiculously large red nose - Prank your friends, and yourself, with this piece of fun costumery.

A boxy control unit for an INR retrieval drone - get your INRs back quickly and efficiently, no travel necessary.

An unassuming plastic box - This is probably nothing.

There's so much more to win this month, but don't take my word for it, especially not today. Get to the nearest Mission Control broadcast tower near you and find out for yourself! Good luck!

p.s. If you start to notice some members of The Galactic Mischief Makers Appreciation Society wandering around the galaxy, don't worry about it. They're probably harmless and just looking for a good time.